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Chapter 12

FRHD 2280 Chapter Notes - Chapter 12: Adolescent Sex, Group Dating, Age 13

Family Relations and Human Development
Course Code
FRHD 2280
Jess Haines

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FRHD*2280 Chapter 12 intimacy
- Your intimates are those people you feel particularly close to who know and
like you well and whom you know and like well
- Intimate moments are those moments suggests being alone with a special
- Intimate relationships is referring to sexual relations
- Affection, approval, sympathy, and understanding are qualities essential to
out concept of friendship
- At age 7, a friend is someone who us to get together with and you can have
fun with
- In elementary school children put more emphasis on shared values and
social attitudes, especially loyalty and mutual support
Friends in adolescence
- As children reach puberty the qualities of mutual trust, warmth and
understanding become more and more important in a friendship
o Trust becomes crucial because of the emergence of self-disclosure as
a feature of friendship
o Self-disclosure the process in which individuals communicate to
others intimate information about their experiences and feelings
- Adolescents are more likely to turn to their friends for support when going
through challenges and changes
- Cognitively adolescents experience an increased ability to set one’s own
viewpoint to the side and look at another’s perspective
how friendship develop
- there are three major views on the development of friendship Sullivan’s,
Erikson’s and Bowlby’s
Stages of Friendship: Sullivan
- believed we should look at development in terms of changing interpersonal
needs and social relationships
o at each stage if one is able to have their needs met they build up a
scene of interpersonal security; if they do not have their needs met
one will develop a sense of insecurity and anxiety
- Stages of social needs according to Sullivan pg. 392 figure 12.1
o Finding a chum (preadolescents)
During this stage children seek to escape loneliness and gain a
sense of well-being by developing a “specific new interest in a
particular same sex fiend who becomes a best/close friends”
which is triggered by a need for intimacy

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o Finding a partner (adolescents)
The need for sexuality emerges, as a result of both biologic
and social changes in adolescents
o In Sullivans view all adolescents face the challenge of coordinating the
need for intimacy and the need for sexuality, but they do not all meet
the challenge the same way
Some become involved with a romantic partner at a young age,
some maintain non-sexual relationships with several very
close friends
o In the last stage of interpersonal development, adolescents must
integrate themselves into society by forming number of mature
interpersonal relationships that includes a committed love
The quest for intimacy: Ericson
- the stage Ericson suggests fro adolescents s intimacy vs. isolation
o the main challenge in this stage is to develop an intimate relationship
that can take on a life and identity of its own without submerging the
individual identities of the partners
o only those who have already formed an identity will be mature
enough to become involved in an intimate relationship (this idea is
the opposite of sullivans view)
attachment to friends: Boelby
- believes that the experiences babies have with their parents leads them to
develop internal working models (ideas and explanations about
interpersonal relationships
o children who unresponsive and inconsistent caregivers will develop
working models of themselves as unworthy and of others as rejecting
o on who is has nurturing caregivers will develop a positive view of
themselves and others
- securely attached babies will develop healthy later relationships and positive
- dismissing babies will, in the future, hold back from becoming romantically
involved out of fear of rejection
- anxious-ambivalent or preoccupied children be eager, and even desperate to
form romantic relationships
- however, attachment styles in childhood do not determine the course of later
relationships it simply sets one on a particular pathway
who’s your friend?
Similarities among friends
- most of the time children make and keep friends on the basis of common
interests, common activities and common ways of thinking and behaving

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- among high school students close friends tend to be similar in age, grade
level, sex, ethnic background, SES, religion and attitudes toward school
other sex friends
- friendship between boys and girls are rare because the gender segregation
that is typical of childhood still holds sway (i.e. “ewwww boys have cooties”),
girls at this age are generally more mature, girls are often more relationship
oriented and boys are more activity oriented and having any opposite sex
friends can lead to teasing from peers
- for boys having a other-sex close friend will make them feel good about
themselves (this is not true for girls)
What are friends for?
- if a relationship has many positive qualities, such as trust and loyalty, it is
seen as a high-quality friendship
- if negative qualities outweigh the positive qualities, it would be considered a
low-quality friendship
the quality of friendships
- those with higher self-esteem will have mire high-quality friendships where
those with low self-esteem may constantly wonder if their friends even like
- boys quality of friendship often increase more in adolescents then girls (girl
already have quality friendships)
support and protection
- adolescents with supportive friendships are more likely to form positive
relationships with other peers
- children without quality friendships are more likely to experience anxiety,
submissiveness and low self-confidence which often leads to victimization
(being bullied)
- of those who are bullied, if they have at least one close friend, the emotional
effects of bullying are not seen as intensely
friendship risks
- intimate self-disclosure may take the form of co-rumination which is when
friends extensively discuss and re-discuss problems, bad situations and
negative feelings
- co-rumination has been linked with closer, high-quality friendships and to
increased depression and anxiety
o someone may tell your secret
o girls are more likely to engage in co-rumination
The Dating Game
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