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Vannoy - Sex Without Love.docx

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University of Toronto St. George
Ronniede Sousa

- Must we draw a distinction between “deep” love and “empty” lust? - Is sex with love a much greater, more powerful, transcendental experience? - Do sex and love complement each other even if they are totally different? - There is no logical bridge tying sex and love together in this case – if they are totally different, there is no reason to think they would complement each other - One problem is that the way we view a person we love is different than the way we view a person sexually - In lust, we see specific body parts and find them attractive, whereas in love, the whole is more than the sum of its parts and we do not see the body as an object - But if sexual arousal simply consists of people objectifying each other, then two people who love each other and have sex wouldn’t differ from two people who don’t love each other and have sex - This would mean that love has nothing to do with the act of sex and does not play into the experience at all - Theodore Reik said love has completely different qualities than sex; sex is a biological craving while love is an emotional one; sex is a quest for physical gratification while love is a quest for happiness; sex is indiscriminate, love is directed at a specific person - If one thinks that sex without love is animalistic, the how does sex suddenly become a vehicle for expressing the tender emotions of love - Alan Lee thought there were many different types of love, and each love type had a different idea of what good sex is - Eros, for example, seeks beauty and prolonged rapport during the sex act, while the manic type is so attached to his beloved and lacking in self-worth that his sex acts are often a failure - Sex is deeply personal – one unites not only with a body but with a whole, full person, and one receives pleasure from giving pleasure to one’s partner - The experience of sex is enriched by memories of past satisfactions and the anticipation of future satisfactions - Sex as sex is pleasure only, but love has meaning and can make sex a meaningful and rich experience as well as a pleasurable one - Sex with a loved one would be very important to people who did not want to be objectified, but when one is in the throes of pleasure, he still becomes a certain kind of object that takes pleasure in being manipulated and surrendering to the wishes of the partner - Good sex is often something would like to continue with someone, and sex with a lover is more likely to lead to future emotional security - Even if one is not interested in emotional aspects and just wants good sex, a lover might still be best because he will do his best to please his partner because he will have to see her again and because he cares about her more, and if he does happen to perform poorly one night, his lover won’t just dump him - If one wants sex for sex’s sake, then why not just masturbate? - Isn’t this because we want interpersonality with another human being? - Sex can communicate love, but it can also communicate other things like dominance - Michael Kosok says sex without love is bad because “
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