Article 22 - When Is It My Turn.docx

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When is it my turn? The heart of
listening: the struggle to suspend
our own needs
- Listening demands taking general interest in the speaker
o Sincerity and caring
o Suspend the interests of self
o An active process
Listen to client, don’t concentrate on changing
them
o Try not to give sympathetic comments
May be seen as patronizing
Be compassionate
o Requires you to suspend yourself
Acknowledge what client has to say
Forget what you might say next
o Be responsive
Gives the client a feeling that they are
understood
Give them a sense of importance and that they
are taken seriously
The Burden of Listening:
- Engagement: requires empathy
- Requires self-control especially when the conversation is no
longer of interest
- Genuine listening means suspending memory, desire, and
judgement and, for moments at least, existing for the other
person
- Suppressing your own urge to talk
- At times it takes no effort to listen = when we are touched by
what ppl have to say.
- Sometime we feel betrayed when ppl give us time to talk, but
change topic to themselves
- Someone ppl, while “listening” try to figure out a counter-
argument
- When ppl say, “nothing,” it’s a form of self-protection
o Children: honouring their right to respond the way
they want shows respect as well as interest interest
in them and respect for their feelings.
o If they kids feel that you are genuinely interested, they
will talk
- It’s hard to listen when we feel that we haven’t gotten the
attention we need.
BUT I AM LISTENING:
- Selflessness of genuine listening is hard to sustain = fool
ourselves that we are genuine listeners
That reminds me of the time...
- Between friends = trading stories = ok
- Conversation is interactive
“Oh, How Awful!”
- Listening means taking in, not taking over
o Concerns: the other person making a huge deal about it
- Listening requires attunement- reading and acknowledging the
speaker’s experience
- When listening is genuine, the emphasis is on the speaker, not the
listener
- An empathic response is restrained, largely silent; following, not
leading, it encourages the speaker to go deeper into his or her
experience
- Empathy is about being understanding
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Document Summary

The heart of listening: the struggle to suspend our own needs. Listening demands taking general interest in the speaker: sincerity and caring, suspend the interests of self, an active process. Listen to client, don"t concentrate on changing them: try not to give sympathetic comments. Be compassionate: requires you to suspend yourself. Forget what you might say next: be responsive. Gives the client a feeling that they are understood. Sometime we feel betrayed when ppl give us time to talk, but change topic to themselves. Someone ppl, while listening try to figure out a counter- argument. When ppl say, nothing, it"s a form of self-protection: children: honouring their right to respond the way they want shows respect as well as interest interest in them and respect for their feelings. If they kids feel that you are genuinely interested, they will talk. It"s hard to listen when we feel that we haven"t gotten the attention we need.

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