PSYCH 225 Lecture Notes - Lecture 9: Monogamy, Polyamory, Craigslist
Is Monogamy Optimal? Considerations of Relational Adjustment, STI-prevention and Child well-being
• Monogamy is something that everyone wants but is very difficult or impossible to obtain
• Monogamy definitions
o Biological (sexual) monogamy (non-human animal)
▪ Affiliating with only one partner throughout the lifespan
▪ DNA testing demonstrates this to be rare among a variety of animals
o Human monogamy (Post AIDs era)
▪ “Mutual monogamy means that you agree to be sexually active with only one person, who
has agreed to be sexually active only with you”
• CDC definition
• You can control if you have sex with one person but it is hard to control what a
partner does, this is an agreement, not what actually happens
▪ In practice, definitions of monogamy are idiosyncratic
• People define monogamy as it is consistent with their beliefs of monogamy and
what they do
▪ Serial monogamy is the norm among college students
• When you have one partner then you break up and then you have another
• What are the perceived benefits of monogamy?
o Monogamous relationships are thought to:
▪ Provide a better environment for children
▪ Promote relationship (including sexual) satisfaction
▪ Prevent STIs
▪ Promote morality: “what g-d wants”
• Is monogamy better for children?
o Three types of consensual non-monogamy
▪ Open relationships: independently pursued, often sex only
▪ Swingers: Attend parties together; “wife swapping”
▪ Polyamory: “many loves”
• It is expected that you can fall inlove with more than one person at a time
o Children's environment (swinging and open relationships)
▪ These couples look the same to the children as a monogamous relationship
▪ Swingers and people in open relationships look much like monogamous parents from a
child's view
▪ Being swingers or open would have no different effects on children than any other
parental hobby
o Children's environment (polyamorous relationships)
▪ Polyamorous individuals are more likely to be involved in a family-style relationship:
children often meet and perhaps live with other parents
▪ Qualitative studies of polyamorous parents
• Benefits to children include: more individual attention for children, reduced
need for external child care, development of relationships with adults who have
diverse skills and interests, sex-positive environment, tolerance for diverse
lifestyles, emotional intimacy with parents
• Benefits to adults include: more personal time, pooling of resources (financial
benefits)
• Disadvantages: attachment to departing partners (though this is similar to serial
monogamy), stigma
▪ Children are better-adjusted when three adults live in the home rather than two
▪ American children of poly parents are doing very well, not concerned about loss of
parents’ partners, manage stigma effectively
▪ Corroborates research on children of group in the 1970
▪ Need long-term comparative studies (patterson's research on children of LGB parents)
o Is monogamy better for children?
▪ Some types of CNM are different than monogamous parents, no net benefit of one or the
other
▪ Monogamy is not better or worse for children
▪ CURRENT ANSWER: PROBABLY NOT
• Is monogamy associated with sexual benefits?
o Sample information
find more resources at oneclass.com
find more resources at oneclass.com
▪ Collected data via posting on craigslist as well as websites and listservs associated with
polyamory, swingers, or open relationships, and through links on student researches’
facebook pages
▪ All currently in a female-male (“heterosexual”) relationship
▪ 1700 monogamous,150 swingers, 170 open, 300 polyamorous
▪ Mean age = 39
▪ Ethnicity: 80% White
o Frequency
▪ Frequency of sexual intercourse declines for nearly all couples over time
▪ Passionate love decreases over time
▪ 15-20% of marriages are sexless (less than once a month)
o Sexual satisfaction
▪ Gay men in CNM relationships report higher levels of sexual satisfaction than their
monogamous counterparts
• No difference in gay men in CNM and monogamy with relationship satisfaction
▪ Heterosexuals sexual satisfaction levels with sex with their primary partners were
assessed
• And found that monogamous people, swings and polyamorous are reporting the
same amount of sex a week
• For sexual satisfaction monogamous is lowest for satisfaction while swingers and
polyamory have a higher satisfaction rate
o Differences for the satisfaction is small
• Passionate love open have the lowest and monogamous, swings had the same
amount while polyamorous have more than monogamous
o Is monogamy associated with sexual benefits?
▪ Mildly more satisfied for CNM
find more resources at oneclass.com
find more resources at oneclass.com
Document Summary
Is monogamy better for children: three types of consensual non-monogamy, open relationships: independently pursued, often sex only, swingers: attend parties together; wife swapping , polyamory: many loves . Is monogamy better for children: some types of cnm are different than monogamous parents, no net benefit of one or the other, monogamy is not better or worse for children, current answer: probably not. Is monogamy associated with sexual benefits: sample information, collected data via posting on craigslist as well as websites and listservs associated with polyamory, swingers, or open relationships, and through links on student researches" facebook pages. 1700 monogamous,150 swingers, 170 open, 300 polyamorous: all currently in a female-male ( heterosexual ) relationship, mean age = 39, ethnicity: 80% white, frequency, frequency of sexual intercourse declines for nearly all couples over time, passionate love decreases over time. Is monogamy associated with dyadic adjustment? (how well you are connected to your partner)
