2.5 Staying with No Dos and donts Keep Your Eye on the Issue, not the Personal Know Your Triggers Dont give them too much to read: A harsh no will offend and anger people but on the other hand people who feel uncomfortable in saying no are more apologetic nature of their no. Avoid Mixed Messages Dont Weaken Your No Avoid False Empathy Avoid a I Win Attitude Dont Give False Hope Practice Staying with No, Dont Avoid It o You want to practice for four reasons: So youll stay with your message so you wont edit it on your feet so youll know what its going to feel like to say it, so you can see whether you really want to stay with this noor whether you should yes it. Business Culture: It is part of the business climate to try to yes the no Personal Experience and Expectations: Your counterparts personal experience and expectations rather than the interpersonal relations between you may be the strongest determinant of how he responds to your no. He may be argumentative, wheedling, stunned, or angry because thats how he always handles hearing no. Your own Resistance Staying with no puts us in two different predicaments. On the one hand, we dont like to be negative. On the other, we dont like to be pushed. If you especially dont like to be negative, you probably tend to soften your no. It feels natural to you to try to stay with no gently. But this may result in your no not getting heard. The Neutral No A neutral no is steady, uninflected, and clear. o For example: A ref just says what he saysgood news for some, bad news for othersregardless of the strong feelings on both sides that his message may inspire. His job is to give the message neutrally How to speak neutrally: If you know or suspect why your counterpart is resisting your no, acknowledge his concern honestly but without giving hope. You have a lot invested in what youre asking, and it looks like Im personally blocking you.. Give a reason for your no. If your reason is well chosen and neutrally spoken, stay with it.