COMM227 Chapter 3: CH 3 Gottman - The Five Key Steps for Emotion Coaching
1 Jun 2018
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Ch 3: The Five Key Steps for Emotion Coaching
Empathy: The Foundation of Emotion Coaching
● The ability to feel what another person is feeling
● Give credence to their experiences and help them learn to soothe themselves
● Allows children to see their parents as allies
● Refrain from criticizing
● Empathy is simply the ability to put yourself in your child’s shoes and respond
accordingly
Step 1: Being Aware of the Child’s Emotions
● Emotional awareness means that you recognize when you are feeling an emotion, you
can identify your feelings, and you are sensitive to the presence of emotions
● Cultural factors
○ Italian and Latino people are generally more outwardly passionate or expressive
○ Japanese and Scandinavian people are more inhibited and stoic
○ Cultural influences do not affect a person’s ability to feel
● Men and women have a similar internal experience of emotion
○ Men tend to hide their emotions from the outside world
○ Men do this because they are socialized for toughness and are wary of the
consequences of “losing control”
● Characteristics of parents who felt out of control with an emotion
○ They have the emotion frequently
○ They believe they feel it too intensely
○ They have trouble calming down after experiencing intense feelings
○ They become disorganized and have trouble functioning when they have the
emotion
○ They hate the way they behave when they are having the emotion
○ …
● Key is to express your feelings in ways that are not destructive to your relationship. By
doing so you are demonstrating two things:
○ Strong feelings can be expressed and managed
○ Your child’s behavior really matters to you
● Helps to be aware of your different levels of emotional arousal
Step 2: Recognizing the Emotion as an Opportunity for Intimacy and Teaching
● A child needs his parents most when he is sad or angry or afraid
Step 3: Listening Empathetically and Validating the Child’s Feelings
● Empathetic listeners use their eyes to watch for physical evidence of their children’s
emotions
○ They use their imaginations to see the situation from the child’s perspective
○ They use their hearts to feel what their children are feeling
Document Summary
Ch 3: the five key steps for emotion coaching. The ability to feel what another person is feeling. Give credence to their experiences and help them learn to soothe themselves. Allows children to see their parents as allies. Empathy is simply the ability to put yourself in your child"s shoes and respond accordingly. Step 1: being aware of the child"s emotions. Emotional awareness means that you recognize when you are feeling an emotion, you can identify your feelings, and you are sensitive to the presence of emotions. Italian and latino people are generally more outwardly passionate or expressive. Japanese and scandinavian people are more inhibited and stoic. Cultural influences do not affect a person"s ability to feel. Men and women have a similar internal experience of emotion. Men tend to hide their emotions from the outside world. Men do this because they are socialized for toughness and are wary of the consequences of losing control .
